What do you do when you are angry?

Submitted by rajat on Thu, 31-Dec-2009 - 14:11

There are times when you feel you have had enough of the non-sense and anger seems to dominate the emotions. What is it that you do then? Playing with my anger for a while now, I wondered how other people respond to anger.

Some related discussion ideas that come to my mind are: - Is it okay to be angry at all? - Why does someone get angry? - Can anger be good at times?

A little note about the image here: This is my creating at one angry moment :)

Submitted by Jayesh on Thu, 31-Dec-2009 - 18:04

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First thing first, "ANGER" is a natural emotion so i don't think its bad to have anger. My personal encounter with such circumstance had teach me following: 1, Get out the thing which is making you anger. Get "Good distraction". Good distraction can vary from person to person. For some one song can be good distraction for other eating can be good distraction :) 2, It natural to be have anger but it bad to act under the influence of anger. Small note my school principal though me. It has help me in last 8 year after leaving school. "Give any of your decision at least a time of one night to make sure you not making decision under influence of any emotion (anger, depression, excitement etc)" 3, This is my personal take on anger or any emotion irritating you. WRITE DOWN. You wont realize the power of this unless you do it. Most of my blog are result of this practice only. 4, If possible talk to some neutral person on the issue.

Submitted by rajat on Fri, 22-Jan-2010 - 13:28

In reply to by Jayesh

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"This is my personal take on anger or any emotion irritating you. WRITE DOWN. You wont realize the power of this unless you do it. Most of my blog are result of this practice only." - he he he ! Dude, I agree!

Submitted by Lisha on Sat, 09-Jan-2010 - 14:53

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Firstly I'm answering the three questions asked:

  • Like Jayesh sir has told, anger is just another emotion and cannot be reigned in. But what happens after that is individual's strength of self-control.
  • Anger maybe the cause of any slightest of triggers (again the trigger varies for every individual :) ) or maybe for no reason at all (has happened sometimes for me)
  • I dont think anger can be good in majority of the cases.

Distractions (like mentioned) is a good idea. I guess for me music and silence does the trick. Since I dont want to complicate things by talking when I am angry I prefer to stay silent. It is pretty good if we can get the distractions, but sometimes its not at all feasible to do so. Two simple examples I can give from my experience are: One, I'm trying to keep quiet but if I'm outside with a couple of friends this does not happen for more than 5 minutes at the maximum n anger doesn't ebb away in 5 minutes though. Two, exam time and preparation incomplete. If I lose my temper with something then it affects my studies. Distracting myself would not be feasible then. :) So if distractions are not feasible, I try to go on as much as possible with the task at hand. (be it a gossiping group of friends or studies :) )

So I guess with anger, the good things (for me) is to stay quiet and sleep for a while or listen to some soft slow music. :) I'm open to other effective ideas which may say otherwise too. Please suggest :)

Submitted by amitsedai on Sun, 10-Jan-2010 - 22:24

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Why does someone get angry? I usually get angry when I am unable to do something that I had been thinking of or I commit the same mistake again. Some stuff: I realized during my childhood that I was very short tempered. It took a long time to control. However, I still get parts of it, but now my anger gets limited to myself :) During my college days, I used to get angry mostly on saturdays. I guess this was because I had too much idle time to think about stuff. There were various techniques I adopted to control 1. During my first year in coll .. I went to have lots of Gobi Manchurian when angry. I dunno why but it seemed to somehow control my anger. 2. during the second year, I realized that the first method wasnt really good when the next morning came... so I adopted a way to exhaust myself whenever I got angry. I found vent in running in the ground near the hostel. by the time I was through, i did not have enough energy to get angry! 3. during the final year.. I got interested in spirituality and yoga. I started practicing pranayama and other stuff. Nowadays, i do have lesser instances of anger. Coming to the second question: Is it okay to be angry at all? Yes.. it is. I did find answers to the frustration that was developing inside myself. It was at these moments when I limited the anger to myself to find out how to overcome them. And when just thinking couldnt help.. I went further to start implementing what I felt was required. Hence in some ways, I can attribute that anger helped me shape myself. Can anger be good at times? Yes... in deed. It is anger which tells us that there is a change required. However anger has various forms.. for me it led to introspection in latter years which proved good for myself. In the case when it can hurt someone else, it is best to control such feeling.

Submitted by Jayesh on Fri, 15-Jan-2010 - 16:36

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Waiting for more people response.

Submitted by Pramod on Fri, 15-Jan-2010 - 18:08

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1. Is it okay to be angry at all? - No. Never. 2. - Why does someone get angry? - A few reasons could be: - When you hold something long enough, "inside". - When something "external" goes in a way, which is clashing with your internal way of looking at life. A few examples and what I feel right are: - Internal: Say, you are not happy with someone on something but are not expressing it out directly. This will eat you up internally. The best thing is to express it out- Directly. Helps to cool you down and is good for the other person too. - External: Say, someone does something to you or to someone; which goes very against your basics. Confront. And confront NOW. But under reason, not under anger. 3. - Can anger be good at times? - Never. You will always repent. For anger is a feeling under whose influence you re-act. If you think, there is something which needs to be acted upon - Act. For a boxer hits, but not under influence of anger, but because he has to.

Submitted by Pramod on Fri, 15-Jan-2010 - 18:25

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Distractions, Though help temporarily to help you curb anger but are a problem in long run. How? For if you keep curbing the anger, (by distractions), gradually, you may find that the patience level may go down and you may start reacting on things on which you would not have otherwise. Say,a bad day at college and taking it out at a friend on a small joke! and in long run, you may get immune to the distractions too! For, If there is dirt on the road, I have to put water to clean it up. Although, I may put a cover on it to temporarily get over it, but the dirt is there any ways! A cause now suppressed, will produce it affect - Sooner or later! So better to confront it now, for atleast you know the cause now, for later when its effect may come, you might not even know - What caused this!!!

By distraction i don't mean a solution for the problem but only a way through which you can avoid reacting in a anger. Distraction give you time and patience to think with right mind and take right decision.

Submitted by rajat on Fri, 22-Jan-2010 - 12:26

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Anger! Knowing whether it is good or bad or whatever else it is to be angry is not of much help to me. I don't like to be immune to emotions at all. Like to be a submissive, unpolished, unrefined man when it comes to the more human side of things. I would not like to see myself as an acetic who does not feel. I feel and that is what is good about me. I can't let the best of me die out! Im sure there can never be a band pass filter installed into your emotional side which can filter the emotions on the basis of whether they can prove to be useful to you or not. Anger, for one, has been very useful to me in more than one ways. Let me take a few instance:
  • Failed External Expectation There are times when the root of anger is the consequence of seeing a person, organisation or a system fail upon an expectation. Anger is the emotion that comes into play. Anger comes with pain. many times frustration also lurks in. Yet, I know that I have in the past, and I hope I will in future, used the opportunity to make the subject of the expectation (e.g. an unaccomplished task) an example for myself and for everyone else. Leaves me confident. Sends the right message right across to everyone
  • Discontent: There are other times when the simmering head vows, resolves, stabilises upon, commits, refines upon future ideas and actions. Anger is the mother of discontent. When I get angry, I set out to resolve, at a pace, higher than ever before
So, in an overall perspective, I will never want to get rid of all the anger at all unless I am thoroughly convinced that the UNIVERSAL TRUTH has dawned upon me and that I have nothing more to do in this world. However, what is of interest to me is the handling of this anger. This is where I want to be sharp, accurate and awesome :) This is where I am a student with nothing at hand. Manifestation of anger to the external world in direct modes of expressions like speech, physical strength, stares etc are what I want to get out of. And I find the suggestions given on this forum pretty useful for the same :) Distractions keep the man away from acting insane in that situation. It is very unlikely that you can get your mind of the situation. I cannot. Even if I sleep, I wake up with the same feeling. for days together all the time the same feeling persists over me. And yet,
  • listening to music,
  • sitting alone in the dark,
  • going on long long walks,
  • eating like anything,
  • talking to a friend
  • screaming while riding the bike at 80kmph
  • singing songs in extremely random manner and tunes
  • watching "Air Crash Investigation" episodes
  • cleaning up
  • write it out on paper and burn it off.
  • Make creative stuff like that guy up there with a gun!
help in making sure that the external manifestation in a manner that I am likely to regret never happens. Having said this, I must admit, the people get to know the minute I get angry, and I can't hide it ever. Don't know how and why :( My Take on talking it out with people If a person is very close t me and I am angry with them, I am likely to loose it then and there. And frankly, I don't mind. They are my loved ones. They love me. I love them. I don't want management and tactics between them and me. Id rather prefer to brake down in front of them! They will understand. :) Glad, that I have such people. Sometimes I may wait for sometime to take them away where only they and me and the problem is present. Then we can talk it out. If a person is not in this very selective circle of confederates and friends, I WILL NOT TALK TO THEM UNLESS THE TIME IS RIGHT! I can wait for ages. never talk at all. feel bad and bad and yet not open my mouth unless I realise that the time is right when I can talk openly without my emotions playing games with my mind. I like to talk to these people in the realms of rationality. Emotional me is absent when I talk then. I am not in control of external situations including the behaviour of people. And I don't want to be. Emotional discussions have an undue sense of compelling individuals to act in accordance with ones wishes. This is the last thing I want to do. In the wait for the rational moment, most of the concerns that I have are resolved internally. I've done it again. Written a whole lot. Hope someone manages to reach till this line.

Submitted by Jayesh on Fri, 22-Jan-2010 - 19:45

In reply to by rajat

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Although i don't think i got any new info. As i was reading i can predict what coming up... But it was good to read when some one write from heart...