Self Talk

Each of us has an inner voice that is talking to us all the time. And this inner voice isn't passive. It has very strong opinions on every aspect of our life. It's either encouraging us, or it's putting us down. It's either filling us with thoughts of confidence, hope and inspiration, or with thoughts of fear, worry and confusion. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. So knowing what our inner voice is saying is important.

When you mentally repeat to yourself such phrases as, "I'll never do it," or "It'll be another disappointment for me," or "Things never go right," you are talking yourself into that exact situation. You begin to expect the worst and actually help it to occur. You are programming yourself to fail.

But the opposite kind of "self-talk" has an empowering effect. Phrases such as, "I can do it," or "I'm a champion," or "I always come through in the end," reinforce your belief in yourself. Positive self-talk gives you moral support. It's an inner cheering section that uplifts and encourages you.

Programming Yourself for Success

I once spent a few days with an artist friend of mine. One morning, upon rising, he announced to me, "Today's the day one hundred things get done." He was behind on a number of his projects and had decided that this was to be an extremely productive day. So, throughout the day, he repeated to both himself and me that, "Today is the day one hundred things get done." I watched him condition his mind as he busily went from one assignment to another. Some took only a few moments, others a half-hour or more, but all the while he kept repeating his affirmation.

Now I don't know if he actually accomplished one hundred different chores, but by the end of the day, he had accomplished an unbelievable amount, and his self-talk had assisted him immeasurably.

You can use self-talk in any number of situations. Just find a statement that represents what you want to have happen to you in that situation and begin repeating it over and over to yourself, like a mantra. Do this while driving your car or waiting for an appointment or riding the elevator, and even while you're actually working.

A professional football player I know always says to himself whenever he gets the ball, "I'm unstoppable . . . I'm unstoppable," or "I'm a raging bull . . . I'm a raging bull." He repeats these phrases quickly, over and over to himself as he runs, and he claims it helps a lot. His statistics seem to verify that. Something's working for him, that's for sure.

Sam Butler, a salesman for a financial services firm who regularly finishes in the top 10 percent of his company, has the habit of saying to himself before he sees a client, "I'm going to make a great presentation." He takes two minutes to repeat this statement and makes a better presentation as a result.

Here's an incredible fact, and when you fully grasp the significance of it, it will change forever the way you talk to yourself: You will come to believe whatever you repeat to yourself, providing you repeat it often enough. Tell yourself enough times you're a loser and you'll believe it. Tell yourself over and over that you're destined for greatness and that's what you'll accept. And the most exciting part about all this is that you decide what you say. We can't stop the inner voice, but we can choose what it will say. We can make sure that it is a positive force in our life.

Scott Adams, creator of the hugely successful cartoon strip, Dilbert, is a great believer in affirmations. But rather than say them to himself he likes to write them out. When he was a struggling cartoonist he began to write out fifteen times every day, "I will be the most successful cartoonist in the world." No matter what happened or how disappointed he was, he made the time to follow through with this practice. It certainly worked. The struggling cartoonist is now indeed the most successful cartoonist in the world. As of 1998, he has an estimated 150 million readers in thirty-nine countries and the wildly popular Dilbert comic strip appears in more than 1,500 newspapers.

Whether your affirmations take the form of writing to yourself or speaking to yourself the principle is the same. You are choosing the thoughts that go through your mind.

Be selective with what you say to yourself and be vigilant. Negative self-talk almost always naturally follows a temporary failure or negative experience. Without our even realizing it, the inner voice begins saying, "It's hopeless," or "I'm a loser." Knowing this, we can be on the lookout and catch ourselves quickly, as it happens.

Before my grandfather died I never missed a chance to get him talking about life. I loved his simple, honest, down-home philosophy and one conversation with him I remember particularly well. He was 103 at the time. "People respond so well to encouragement," he said to me, "yet most people continue to use criticism in trying to get people to change or do better. Why don't they use more encouragement?" How true, I thought, and let's remember this when we're dealing with ourselves as well. It's the same principle. We all need encouragement.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Be a good friend. If you want the best from yourself, feed yourself lots of encouragement. Ask yourself, "What can I say to myself today that is supportive and nurturing for me?"

"Just My Luck"

How many times have you heard people use the expression, "It's just my luck" to explain away some misfortune? Have you ever heard someone use it positively? If not, then you've never been out sailing with Jim Burns. Jim is a jewelry wholesaler and a partner in my sailboat. We started using this expression half jokingly when sailing and, inevitably it seemed, we would encounter fine weather. "Just our luck," we would chime together, big grins on our faces as the wind propelled us along. Then I started using it in other areas of my life. Every time something good happened to me I found myself saying, "Just my luck!" It became a habit, a ritual. However, after a few months of doing this, something rather remarkable happened. I actually began thinking of myself as lucky, and as living a charmed life. Without even realizing what I was doing, I actually became what I was describing to myself-even though it was half in jest. And now, having imprinted this idea several thousand times, I really do think of myself as very lucky, and as a result of this belief wonderful, unexpected things continue to happen to me all the time.

Take this technique into your life and begin experimenting with its extraordinary power. Think of some empowering things you might say to yourself, and begin saying them. Be creative and have fun. Get your inner voice working for you.